Get Past Your Fear Of Feeling Like A Fraud.
Do you spend most of your time concerned that at any moment someone is going to ‘expose’ you as an imposter? Do you secretly believe that you're not good enough for the role you’re in, or is fear of failure your constant companion?
I coach a lot of high-level professionals who suffer from this and similar fears. And each and every one of them is gifted, intelligent and highly competent. However I hear a host of reasons as to why they ‘should’ feel the way they do; “I’m an entrepreneur so I need my fear of failure to drive me”, “I’m the only female on the board, so I have more to prove”, “I pride myself on being a perfectionist so I accept this fear as necessary”.
Your opinion of yourself no longer counts
If this sounds like you then the chances are that at some point you have decided your opinion of yourself and your capabilities is not sufficient, and your sense of worthiness or validity now depends on someone else’s approval, it is no longer under your control. This is a really tough place to be energetically, which is why people in this situation suffer from great stress, anxiety and exhaustion.
In this position, we have broken trust with ourselves and we have cut ourselves off from our inner energy source built on self respect and compassion. We’re now totally reliant on those we hope to impress so we can bathe in the energy of their positive judgment; in some cases we are so reliant, we are almost addicts. And you can see this kind of behaviour frequently played out in the corporate world where some people will do almost anything to get their bosses approval (their energy fix).
Regain your peace of mind
So how do you take back your sense of self and reconnect with your inner source of energy? It’s a gentle process, after all there has been a big breakdown of trust and just as in any other relationship, it can take time to rebuild. But when you consider what you stand to gain – peace of mind, self-confidence, a sense of purpose and safety – the choice is easy. Here are some tips to help you start that journey.
Reflect on your choices
Often a breakdown of self trust is because we have made choices in the past that didn’t work out for us. But the fact is we make choices thousands of times a day. Spend time reflecting on choices you made that worked out well for you and enjoy the self admiration that comes with it.
Your thoughts are very powerful
Start to observe how you talk to yourself. The language you use, even the names you may call yourself. And ask yourself would you treat someone you care for deeply like that? And consider how you might start to restructure your internal narrative into a more supportive and kind experience.
Remember what it’s like to enjoy your own company and move your body!
Do something you really love doing on your own. This can be dancing or singing in the shower, maybe rock climbing, or trying a salsa night. The goal is to enjoy your own company and get your energy moving. When we are highly stressed we tend to contract energetically, we tense up and our energy looses its ability to move freely. Help your body’s energy free itself up in a positive, fun and even silly way and reconnect with an empowered, care-free, trusting, you.
Make a list
Write down all of your qualities – not your accomplishments but your qualities! Ask yourself who you are as a person, who you are to your friends, those you love. Are you kind, thoughtful, supportive and generous? Patient, a good listener, gentle, or are you a clear thinker, do you help people find clarity? After you have your list think about how you would feel about a person like that.
Much love and abundance,