Drained From Being A People Pleaser?

Dying Flowers photo by Sharon McCutcheon (@sharonmccutcheon) .png

Being a people pleaser doesn't have to be a negative experience! When you hold the door for a stranger, or smile at someone that waits for you on a stair the interchange often brings you both happiness and you feel 'lighter' and happier. So being a people pleaser can in fact boost your energy as as long as you remain empowered during the interaction.

When it hurts

But there are times when this is not the case, when you feel a sense of obligation to make the other feel happier, but end up walking away from their company feeling drained, or empty. This person might be your boss, your friend, or even your mother. Whenever you are around them and they are unhappy you feel the need to make them smile, or relieve their pain in some way. The problem is that you rarely effect real change and you always feel tired after being with them.

Why it can leave you feeling drained

This is because energetically you are giving them your power. Each of us operates from a source of energy that lies within us and when we are living happily, aligned with our inner sense of being, we are energised, we feel ‘light’ and well.

But when we come into contact with those we feel emotionally obligated to, we sometimes believe the only way we can help them feel happy is to step out of our light. We leave our energetic  ‘happy place’ and join them in their state of unhappiness, and somehow try to 'push' them the right way. By doing this you may help the other feel happier for a short while but you've compromised your energy and this will leave you feeling heavy and unbalanced.

How you can make changes

If you would like to change this behaviour here are a couple of points I'd like to share with you that might help:

  • Avoid the impossible - Keep in mind that it is physically impossible to change someone else’s long term perspective on life or state of being – only they can do that.
  • You will help them more this way - By deciding to stay in your happy place and nurture it while in their company you will set an example to them that will help them see how to do it and may even inspire them to do the same!
  • Focus on your inner smile - When you're with them try and stay focused on your inner positivity when in their company. Look around you for things that make you smile and bring you joy.
  • Take time and find courage - Sometimes it is hard to stay in your happy place around the company of those you have previously felt obligated to if you’ve not practiced it. So I would recommend creating some space between you while you take time to become strong at standing in your own power.
  • Why it's important to do this - And finally, if you are not sure as to whether you should try this, I would invite you to ask yourself one question: Who is the most important person in your life, who creates your life experience? Here’s a tip – You do. So I would humbly suggest you take time to practice looking after you and your happy place.

I hope you find this useful, please let me know if there is a particular topic you would like me to write about, I'd love to hear from you.

Much love and abundance,

Kay x

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Kay Wilson